Hazel Langhorn

Under no means am I defending the actions of our father because we all make our own chocies.  Some are right and others wrong we all make our own decisions and may not agree but who are we to judge?

Our father was a acoholic. He loved acohol and acohol came first in his life.   He didn't act the way he did intentionaly but he did have a choice.  The true definition of a alcoholic is a person who habitually drinks acoholic liquor in excess.  Acoholics engage in painful habits while under the influence and children of acoholics particually girls suffer greatly from the emotional turmoil of their childhood.

The day I accepted the fact that my dad was a acoholic was on his dying bed.  My heart was filled with so much joy because he had given his life to christ and accepted him as his lord and savior.  I knew that he wouldn't suffer anymore.   What a happy joyous moment. He had been in so much pain and suffered so long and I knew that god had him.  My world crumbled when he made his last request and it was for a bottle of alcohol.  It was at that point that  I realized that acohol is truely a sickness, it's a addiction that's  so very hard to overcome and understand.

So, for all the pain dad you put us thru I do forgive you. There's not enough words to express the thanks that due to my Mom for getting herself and us out of that situation. Her strenghts are beyond words.

As for Judy I'm praying for you and I ask that god heals and takes some of the heavyness off of your heart.  I know that you endured alot.  Mom protected all of us but I thank you for protecting me.  You've always been there and I know that you will always be there for me.   With your help it's made me the strong person that I am today.  The bond that I have with each of my sisters is so real.  I love ya so much!

Not all of my memories are joyous ones.  Everyone knows that our father was a drunk and abusive husband.  There were many times that he attacked our mother...cussing, ranting and raving.  But she wasn't no punk!  She defended herself and when it reached the point that she thought he was going to start hurting us...she got rid of his azz.  I answered the door when the sheriff came to serve him the divorce papers.

As much as I loved him....and part of who & what I am today is due to him......I did not love him more than I loved my mother.

I remember when he reached up and pulled the chandlier out of the ceiling.  When he swung it at her...she blocked it with her forearm & wrist.  It bust her wrist wide open.  Blood went everywhere.

BUT....the best whoopin we ever gave him was one night ....she was fighting him so tough she backed him into the kitchen.  I don't think I was much more then six or seven then.  I was standing in a chair waiting ....yes, waiting with a cast iron skillet.  Barely strong enough to lift it...let alone swing it.....I used everything in me to clock him upside the head.

He was shocked...outraged that I hit him.  He deserved it...he should have never put his hands on her.  He put scars on her body and heart.  No matter what foul cards society hands you in the course of your life, your ego should never lead you to abuse your love ones.  Life is hard and sometimes we stumble and think we will never recover.  But I know that love does not hurt.  I can not justify how Daddy treated Mom.  She was the best thing to ever happen to him.  And he died knowing it.....loving her and regretting his past.  He died on her birthday......February 15, 1987.

And she paid for his funeral after being divorced from him for 20 years.

Like I've said......I could never be 1/10th the woman she was.....my heart is not that forgiving......my spirit & soul are not that gentle.

She deserved a man/partner that loved her.  But out of her experiences, she tried to teach us many lessons.  She said that Jeannie & I are the way we are because of what we saw.  Of course, there is truth in it.  I for one would never trade those lessons for anything in the world!

For my aunts 75 birthday I wrote this, presented it and gave it to her. It said all that I wanted and needed her to know.

                                                   I Thank You

For all of the times that you were there,

I THANK YOU.

For all of the hugs that you have shared,

I THANK YOU.

For all of the times you wiped my tears,

And stood by my side through all my years,

I THANK YOU.

For being a mother to me after my was gone

And giving me sisters when I had none,

I THANK YOU.

For letting me know I live life not alone,

And judging me not , when I'd done wrong,

I THANK YOU.

For making me smile when I felt lost

And believing in me no matter the cost,

I THANK YOU.

For picking me up when I'd stumble and fall

For always being there, thanks for it all.

For being an aunt like no other,

You're the next best thing to being my mother.

And for all of this and more --

I THANK YOU!!

Love always,

your niece Lisa

I remember a lot of things about my auntie, but a few things stand out from the rest:

One thing is when I had gained #$@#$ lbs and my but was just fat. Uncle Lawrence was here and he made a comment on my weight and Aunt Hazel told him "it's just baby fat, she'll loose it one day", I was 20something. I looked at Aunt Hazel and said "you have always told me it's just baby fat. But this has gone from being baby fat to being fat from having babies, to it's just plain fat - but thanks for having my back". We laughed and she said it was okay for me to be that size because I was tall and wore it well. I love her for accepting me fat and all.

Other wonderful memories are from groing up, when she went bowling 2 to 3 times a week, she took me with her. She said girl stop posing before you throw the ball, just knock some pens down. Even when I bowl today, I still throw that hip to the side, and think about her saying "you're in a bowling alley, not a style show".

One of the more recent memories is when she laughed so hard at the birthday gifts I gave her. First I gave her a bag with light bulbs in it. She looked confused - I told her it's because she lights up our lives. Then there was the big roll of duct tape, she looked at it and said thank you, but the look on her face was confusion. I told her, it's because you are what holds this family together. Then came the bag with depends. She smiled and said, "I can use these, how'd you know"? I said I didn't, they symbolize that we depend on you. We all had a great time that day and it's just another memory I'll never let go of.

I love you Aunt Hazel and I miss you.

Sunshine.....wispy clouds...blue skies.....and slight breezes......we were in Montego Bay...doing our island thing.  Mom had on her shades...looking like a movie star.  We decided to eat at the Pork Pit on Glouchester.  Next thing I know there's some 25 year old hunka, hunka burnin' love with a strong Jamaician accent skinnin & grinnin in my Momma's face.  "Oooooooooo preeettty latayyyyy can I get youuuu a drink?" as he slid his chocolate wonder self up next to her.  I'm sitting there with my mouth hanging open....knowing my momma is not gonna bust a grape.  She smiles and replies "Of course".....I almost laid a golden egg!  Next thing I know Mr Jamaica is giving my mother a fresh coconut spiked with rum.  He asked for her number...she declined.....we ate and went on our way.  But I teased her unmercifully.

Now, on that same trip something else crazy happened.  Me...being the whale of the family absolutely loves water.  We went to Negril for me to go snorkeling.  I left Mom on the beach with her crossword puzzles and books.  When I returned, she was cussing and had a serious attitude.  I asked her what was wrong...she replied "LOOK AROUND! LOOK AROUND!" How was I suppose to know that I left her on a topless beach!  I told her..."When in Rome do as the Romans do!" lol  She didn't think it was funny.